Sit

Now, most of the time, I would turn on a self-healing playlist I’ve built on Spotify, meditate, and change my state. But, today was different. I set a strong intention before a ‘letting go’ ceremony that I did last night under the moon and stars, while kayaking in waters that appeared magical with bioluminescence. My intention was to discover all aspects of myself I have yet to love, and to learn to love myself by day’s end.

While I recognize that this is an aggressive goal – and likely unrealistic in one day since it’s a process – I chose the biggest and boldest intention I could set. I figured if I had enough ‘data’ in one day to understand where I lacked self-love, I would be able to take positive steps towards living in a prolonged state of bliss and contagious love, beginning with myself and outwardly expanding to all those in my environment and beyond. I figured if I did the work, then this may inspire others to do the same, and if I can love big enough and bright enough, perhaps there would be less work for others to do.

So, I knew when I was going to bed and having trouble receiving love that I was onto something. My intuitive guidance was reinforced when two of the best healers I know reached out to me and asked how they could help; they were tuned into me, and in this moment, it became incredibly apparent what needed to happen.

I asked for help. I asked what I needed to know to further explore self-love, and I listened to their responses. What I received was guidance to ‘sit in it’ whenever an emotion comes up, embrace it, and to be aware that many would surface in a rather short period of time. I would experience happiness and bliss, then abrupt disruptions in this feeling.

This morning, when I awoke, I woke up without my default happiness that greets me each day. You see, I consider myself lucky. Most of the time, I wake up in a phenomenal mood, even if I get de-railed quickly. If the first 2 hours of my day go smoothly, then I’m generally in a great mood for the entire day. If something jerks my emotions within the first few minutes – or two hours after waking – I tend to have an emotionally dissatisfied day.

Once again, today was different. Today, it was me who created the emotional tension. Today, I recognized I had ‘no one’ else to blame. I was solely responsible for my emotional state, and I didn’t care for how I felt.

So, I sat in it.

This was the choice I made. That is the ‘work’ I agreed to do yesterday by setting a big and bold intention like completely discovering gaps in – and fulfilling – self-love. I’m proud of myself today, for it took courage to sit in it. I have all the tools and resources to know how to quickly manage my mood, change my state, and feel better. I have the network, the bright-eyed children, and the flexibility of schedule to back things up until I felt better and work through my emotions, rather than listen to them.

And what I’ve learned so far is that my day, today, is different than most days. I’m not in my best mood, and I’ve felt certain feelings I rarely feel. For example, here are some feelings that arose for me today:

• Jealousy.
• Feeling of ‘upset’, or dissatisfaction with the day, circumstance, and my life.
• Brief moment of anger.
• Tender love for myself, like I was caring for a child who felt uncomfortable (and I’ve related to my own children more than usual).
• Complacency, whereas I typically try to get around the system and do the best I can for myself (I happen to be on an airplane right now, and I usually work the system a bit to get the best seats I can, as an example. Today, I ‘settled’, so to speak, and simply trusted what needed to be would be).
• Sadness, in the form of self-pity.
• Desperation, like I wanted all life circumstances to be fixed right now that are less than ideal, in my mind.
• Afraid, again for just a brief moment, and over something silly like making a flight that has no real bearing on my travel plans. In this moment/feeling, I forgot to trust.
• Unworthy, like maybe I couldn’t live a life of my dreams and may need to settle after all.

Yet, on the other side, I’ve also experienced other feelings. For example, I’ve felt:

• Empowered, like I’m the one who creates my own emotional states, rather than being the victim of other’s feelings.
• Supported, like there’s a plan for me in this lifetime, and it’s all going to be ok.
• Blessed, like I can set a wish/intention like I did last night and have it instantly become my reality.
• Compassionate, as I watched moods fluctuate in family members (and others) and felt zero resistance/resentment, no matter how they may have affected the quality of our day.
• Magical, like being able to affect the energy of an entire stressed out section of the airport who was up in arms by simply concentrating on my internal state and allowing love to fill me up, then outwardly flow; within an instant, it became quiet, peaceful, and I began watching person after person help one another with smiles on their faces.
• Altruistic, setting repeated intentions to help others who appeared to be sick or in pain, and watching their faces turn from grimaces to smiles. I’ve long known that I can help in this way while in public spaces, but I’ve often feared the sick contaminating my children as they sneezed, coughed, or grunted near my children. I instead would typically move my children away, wish people well, and go on my way. Today, I chose differently. I chose complete and total compassion, with an altruistic mindset to help each and every person nearby.
• Grateful. I felt so grateful for the people behind me in line who helped me manage a cart full of luggage, a sleeping child, and a stroller at the same time through a slowly moving line that was shoulder-to-shoulder. We couldn’t speak the same language, but we were part of the same ‘village’, so to speak. And seeing the look of pride on their child’s face was invaluable to me, as she looked at her parents as a God and Goddess for their kind deed. I realized, in this moment, that by allowing myself to receive, I allowed her to receive. How beautiful.
• Loved. In every opportunity to feel loved today, I have felt loved. I have taken the guard down from myself, and from my own emotions, and in doing so, I have felt more loved; and more heartbroken. It’s been so interesting.

Now, many of these feelings I experience on a regular basis. However, experiencing them all today has been a fascinating experience. I write this to you at 4:44 in the afternoon, with much of the day left to experience. How will the rest of my day go?

Divinely, I suppose. And, I propose.

Today’s thought exercise

What intention might you be able to set – and embrace – for the next 24 hours in order to enhance and amplify your life experience? And when you do, will you take the time to notice, observe, and appreciate the conversation reality is having with you?

Sent to you with love, honor, and in service,