During the last month, I’ve experienced all three of the above-mentioned reasons to mourn. My relationships have been evolving, my lifestyle has dramatically changed from what I thought — and have known — it to be, and my uncle just died. And in each case, I’ve gone through — or am going through — the five stages of death and dying:
When my best friend passed away a couple years ago, I decided I either needed to die first, stop loving many people during my lifetime, or get ‘good’ at death. So far, it’s a work in progress. However, I recognize that I’m not in a hurry to die, I love to love, and this means that I will have to outlive many people who are important to me.
So, here are a few thoughts that have helped me along the way. I figured the process of sharing these with you would help me process some of my feelings, and hopefully help you process some of yours, in the event you’ve lost anyone and still haven’t been able to make peace:
Most religious texts speak of there being a spirit inside of us, attached to our human form. And when we die, our spirits go on. Well, how about before we were born? If the spirit didn’t exist before we were born, was it spontaneously created when we were? And if so, was it in the womb or did it enter us when we exited the birth canal?
I’e approached many theologists with this question, and so far, they have unanimously agreed that the spirit exists before birth and comes into this life by choice. Effectively, this means we choose our bodies, and our lives. So, when we die, we go back to being who we always were, or in other words, we continue to exist as we are; the essence of who we are.
This means we don’t truly lose anyone; they simply change form. If we look at this from a Physics standpoint, we know energy is neither created nor destroyed, only transferred. So, has the ‘energy’ of a spirit left the body, but does the ‘essence’ of the spirit still remain?
I think so, and I take comfort in this belief. And, if that’s the case, the spirit of my uncle was committed to me during this lifetime, and I have been committed to him. In all likelihood, I was committed to him long before I was ever born, and I will be long after I’m dead.
Effectively, the gap in time between his death and my own is the equivalent of a middle school field trip, when I think about it this way. For, if my spirit is eternal, then 80-100 years is a fraction of existence, and hardly noticeable in the grand scheme of things. I know we’ll be together again, and in our most natural — and common — form.
Independent of religious affiliation, scientific belief system, or otherwise, most people believe there was/is one original “source” of life, whether it is God, the Universe/multi-verse, or the original ball of life that created the Big Bang Theory. With all descriptions, one thing remains common: we are all connected, or have been connected at one time, in one shape or form.
For example, if it’s God (like a personified figure) who is the master of all of us, then we are all God’s children, and similar to how twins communicate, so can we. And if we are God’s children, then we are all part-God, similar to how our children carry our DNA and are all part ‘us’.
Or, if it’s the Universe/multi-verse, then every action has a reaction, which means that the interconnectedness of each one of us is beyond rational thought and is imperceivable by the human mind. This means that a star burning billions or trillions of lightyears away has an effect on us, and each of us has an effect on it. Effectively, if it’s the Universe/multi-verse, each of us affects the rest of us, which means we are co-dependent and in constant communication. We exist because the rest exists, and the rest of the Universe/multi-verse exists because we exist. It’s a two-way relationship. And this means we ‘are’ the Universe/multi-verse, although one small and humble part of it.
Or let’s say it’s the Big Bang Theory and there was one original ball of life form that existed before it divided into trillions of pieces. Well, then this ‘ball’, shall we call it, is all of us combined, plus the other animals, trees, plants, stars, solar systems, galaxies, etc. This means that the original creator of life is inside of us, which means we are, by definition, a portion of the creator of life. Again, this suggests we are part of the original life form, or we are a portion of all that is and ever was.
No matter which description of connection we choose, it means when someone dies, they are now closer to the original ‘source’ of life, and I’d like to believe this means they help act as a bridge for us. The bridge is formed through ‘entanglement’, which comes from Quantum Physics and suggests that once two people (lives) intersect, they are interconnected — or entangled — for the rest of their lives. In Quantum Physics, this means that two cells that have been nearby one another can be sent to opposite poles of the Earth, and a change in state (i.e. temperature) for one will not only create a reaction in ‘that’ cell, but in the other one as well.
According to Quantum Physics, once entangled, always entangled. And if it applies to our bodies — and the cells inside our bodies — I’d like to suggest it applies to our spirits, too.
The portion of us that links one of us to another exists and resides inside our hearts, as well as all around us. For simplicity of access, we can drop down from our minds into our hearts and communicate from there. In doing so, we are able to align the portion of us that is similar to the portion of someone else (see thought #2 on connection) and communicate, independent of distance or time. Effectively, no matter how much time passes — or distance is created — we can still be in contact with anyone or anything that is important to us. There is no separation, simply due to death, evolution, or shifts in the way we live.
When I combine these three thoughts and choose to believe them, I allow connection during situations I may otherwise feel loss. I am able to feel and communicate with my uncle, ask for his guidance, receive it, and act as a gateway for him to the human world. I am able to honor, respect, and love relationships that evolve, not only for the way they are now, but also for the way they once were. By thinking about the love that once existed so strongly, for example, I am able to produce the same great feeling for myself — and also for the other person — even if it no longer will be the same from this point forward. We can still enjoy one another, love one another, and live differently. And finally, if I shift my lifestyle rapidly, I can perceive how my actions will affect others and have an impact on them. So, when I choose carefully and only shift my lifestyle to upgrade my reality, I recognize that those I “leave behind” are actually gaining benefit from my decision, as well. Effectively, by upgrading my life, I upgrade the lives of everyone with whom I am entangled.
Does this make any sense?
When I put it all together, death and mourning are an opportunity to shift and strengthen relationships, to honor the past and to look forward to the future, and to believe in the power of inspiration for the guidance it provides us and everyone we love. Mourning is an opportunity, rather than a misfortune.
And life is more beautiful because of death, in spite of the temporary discomfort, so long as we allow ourselves to receive the gifts instead of focusing upon the loss.
Today’s thought exercise
In spite of the pain associated with losing someone, are you willing to consider that death — and change — are some of the best opportunities in life? And since death is natural, and everything has to change — and everyone has to die — might you consider loving and accepting death, rather than resenting it and forfeiting years of your life (and health) mourning?
I love you. And I’m sorry you’re experiencing all of the sad feelings you might be experiencing. I experience them too. I try to learn from them, find beauty in them, and love myself through them. I hope you’ll join me.
Sent to you with love, honor, and in service,
Dr. Kareem Samhouri
Dr. Kareem Samhour is known as (perhaps) the best Doctor of Physical Therapy & Kinesiologist on the internet. People come to him for results when other methods fail, injury gets in the way, or health situation is more complicated. Dr. Kareem Samhouri exercising In fact, he and his companies reach a combined total of 1.5 MILLION people on a daily basis to help them with their health. If you ever saw Dr. Kareem on the street and mentioned something was going on with your health, however, he would volunteer and offer to help you for free... that's the Dr. Kareem way.