Confessions

I tend to lose between 7-12 pounds and get super lean. This means at home, I’m being less healthy. For example, when I’m traveling I eat at normal meal times, but I’m not snacking in between; and, I don’t have access to late night food before I go to bed. Plus, travel always feels a bit like vacation, so there’s a missing element of daily household stress. When you combine the epigenetic variables of being in a preferable climate, having engaging conversations, being appreciated for the work I’m doing in person with others, and spending quality time with family, my genes get super happy.

As I look back over the years, I’ve pushed my body to extremes, damaging ligaments, tendons, capsules, and even breaking bones or dislocating joints at times. I’ve gained and lost weight, and I used to binge eat and call it ‘cheat meals’. I also feel my internal dialogue has been harsh at times and often critical.

Even now, as I’m growing and learning rapidly about personalized health and spirituality, I have a tendency to be hard on myself if I don’t understand something immediately. It’s as if the moment I commit myself to something new, I need to be the best, or darn close. Anything less has a tendency to feel ‘not enough’, which is another pattern I’ve noticed.

At a very young age, I developed a subconscious belief/program about not being enough. Because the subconscious mind is stuck in present tense, it’s as if the program is on repeat: “Kareem, you are not enough. Kareem, you are not enough. Kareem, you are not enough.” I’ve learned so many awesome ways to replace subconscious programs and feelings over the last couple of years, but this particular one is still there at the moment. I managed to reinforce it on multiple occasions in my life, and it has become a trigger that creates a flood of thoughts and emotions if I experience the feeling; most of the time, I won’t even know ‘not enough’ is what I’m feeling. Instead, I might feel alone, the victim, condescended, or something else entirely. Underneath is the feeling of ‘not enough’, because if I were ‘enough’, then it wouldn’t matter if I were alone, if someone tried to do something to hurt me, or if someone spoke down to me. I would simply observe what happened and move on, making the most logical decision I could from this point forward.