0 Comments
The first time I wanted to kill myself I was 15 years old; the last time I felt like dying was earlier today.
And, I’m back on top of the world. It’s crazy how quickly things can change. In fact, when we look back from another perspective, it doesn’t even make any sense, and giving up life feels like such a waste.
Don’t get me wrong. I would never hurt myself these days, being that I am a father of two lovely little boys. However, I still have had occasional feelings of ‘what for?’ like I did today. Today, I didn’t understand what the point of life was if I am to live with a mind that gets so confused all the time.
In spite of my best efforts, I still have meltdowns. I get triggered, wonder how to ‘fix’ my relationships (instead of loving every version of them), and lose hope from time to time. In truth, I know this is part of the deal, I realize I’m being tested on a regular basis, and I know life is a constant state of choice. The choices I made were not in the best interest of myself or my relationships to thrive, even though they weren’t that bad. They were simply choices, and choices are opportunities for learning and self-growth.
I began to think that some higher power was actually against me in life, and that life is an evil game of trying to overcome this force of nature that messes with me whenever it ‘judges’ me for not being good enough, following orders that I don’t understand, or learning quickly enough. The truth is, this was all a misperception, and a pattern of self-loathing that rarely shows up in my life. However, it was there today.
Why am I telling you this?
Because over 1 million people read these messages, and I believe it’s ok to feel super down on yourself at times. I believe it’s ok to accept and love yourself, no matter what you feel. And I believe you look to me as an icon for health, because I’m typically super healthy; however, I have my down days too. And when my down days happen, they can be super down.
Does this make me bipolar?
No, it makes me human. And even if I were bipolar, this would mean I was misunderstood by society and am likely reacting more to lunar cycles, electromagnetism of the wind — and polarity of others — more than I’m actually someone with a ‘disease-state’. In fact, if we reframe our understanding of ‘bipolar’, we might quickly find out this is a sub-population of people in society with an incredible gift of being ‘sensitive’ to their environments.
We, as a society, are mislabeling and quitting on people who experience human emotions, and as a result, we are choosing to alienate those who admit they do. Thereby, we force others to keep their emotions in secret.
If you’re triggered, raise your hand, take some space, and sort it out. A few minutes, hours, or days later, you’ll feel differently. And the more you practice, the better you’ll get.
When’s the last time you felt super down on yourself? And as you look back on this moment in your life, was it really worth beating yourself as much as you did? Or did this moment pass, just like all the rest of them do?
I love you, and I’ll never quit on you, or me; no matter how tempting it might be from time to time.
Sent to you with love, honor, and in service,
