Shame

This week, I’ve had at least 3-4 opportunities show up for-me, and in each of them, I felt a momentary level of shame, realized it’s not real, and let it go. I am grateful for these experiences, as it’s time for a new era; an era when I recognize I’m doing the best I can, every moment of every day.

I no longer care to look towards the past and feel ashamed of my actions, decisions, or behaviors. Instead, I care to live in the present moment and look forward to the bright future I’m creating. When temptation arises to second-guess decisions I’ve made in the past, I’m offering myself a simple reminder that I’m doing the best I can in this exact moment, so I must have been doing the same before.

Shame — in many ways — is a symptom of ‘not enough syndrome’, which is perhaps my biggest limiting belief. Somehow, I developed the belief I wasn’t enough. Maybe it was my parents always encouraging me to do my best, while I heard I wasn’t doing well enough? Maybe it was when I was a fat kid and people used to make fun of me? Or maybe it was our education system and comparing myself to everyone else in my class — or family — and the grades they were able to achieve? In fact, even when I would get a 97%+ on a test, I always wondered how I could do better and get 100%. If there was extra credit available, I blamed myself for not getting a 110%, or whatever the highest score was.

When I put life into these terms, how did I get so lucky?!

Yet, inside of a moment, I may feel differently. This is because I have a buried subconscious belief — that likely formed before I could fully articulate myself (age 6 or earlier) — and it reminds me “I’m not enough” throughout each day, week, or month. When I don’t learn something as quickly as I would like, I might feel down on myself. If I speak to someone harshly — or with less patience than I would like to be spoken to — I blame myself for being unkind, and I wonder why I’m not as nice of a person as I strive to be. If I do my best to provide for my family — and also be fully present for every magical moment as my kids grow up — and I miss one or the other, I tend to think I can do better, and I will next time.

Strange, right?

In fact, I feel pretty spoiled and obnoxious even telling you this, let alone realizing I’m confessing this to a million people who might see my life as fairly idealistic. I don’t mean to be obnoxious. It is my intention to be real; you see, the human mind self-complicates. And, more often than not, those who ‘achieve’ the most do so because they feel they are missing something important in their lives.

I am one such person: driven, loving, excited, fun, successful, and of the perception I am not enough.

I will continue to strive to do my best and make a difference when this belief is completely resolved. Yet, the attachment to a specific outcome will be gone. I can see the writing on the wall; my day will likely be very similar, but how I ‘feel’ about my day will be different.

If I accidentally break a promise, or if I lose my cool a bit, I’ll understand I’m human, that I’m here to learn an important lesson, and that there’s no point in shaming myself or letting anyone else influence me to feel ashamed. I’ll understand I am strong enough, caring enough, loving enough, and determined enough to work through any obstacle in life, and that’s exactly what it is: an obstacle or lesson.

How about you?

Are you ‘enough’? Or are you also your own worst critic?

Today’s thought exercise:

If you were born enough, and all you’ve ever done is give life your best shot, how did you end up as less? Does this even make any sense? And if it doesn’t make any sense, can you think of a single example of a situation in life that justifies feeling ashamed, or as if you’re not enough?

I challenge you to overcome this limiting belief. You were born perfect, and so you are.

Sent to you with love, honor, and in service,